Teenage Scribbles

It’s funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I’m standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don’t really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I’m not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I’m only left with used-to-be’s
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don’t come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can’t believe that
I could be so blind
It’s like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn’t mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

9.28am, Friday - House Sg Long

Ever wonder what would happen if what you feared the most would actually happen to you. What if u know it’s coming and it can’t be avoided? You would think and think and think, trying to stop it but in the end it will still happen. How would you feel? What i’m afraid the most in my life today, is going to happen and i know i can do nothing to stop it. Every morning i wake up and i hope and hope that it will all just go away but when reality sets in, everything is just the same. Am i so naive that i cannot accept reality and still continue hoping on something that was never there and will never be there?

5.35pm, Friday - House, Sg Long

I’m tired and all stressed up. Really starting this month every week would at least have a mid term(it contributes to my finals as well). Next week i’m gonna have 3 mid terms.. sigh. Everyweek this month has an assigment dateline due. So i think that takes care of study stress. Really from the start of this semester nothing has been going right. This week has been the worst!! Let’s see, studies,  as said mid terms really scary for me now. This is cause my grades last semester slipped cos of my bad mid term grades. So as a start to my month long marathon of mid terms, i’m already feeling the pressure. Assigments datelines gets nearer n nearer. So many things to do yet so lil time.

Then i found out that friends that i thought i knew and could trust. . . well let’s just say that the trust is no longer there. Thats one thing i don’t wanna even think of. I resigned from being course representative today. I lost a small election on tuesday to choose a main course rep among us. Didn’t really feel sad or anything Another was on monday, my mom called and said that my grandma was admitted to hospital. She’s still in hospital, though her condition i’m not sure about. Hopefully it’s nothing serious.

Had a quiz on tuesday, all the good computers were taken up. So i took one with a defective mouse, my friend Ruban asked the technician to get a new one for me. So i gave my student id card to him. When i wanted to return the mouse after class, my id wasn’t there, another technician asked me to come later. Well i went everyday from wednesday tll friday, sometimes a few times a day just to get the damn ID, shesh!! Finally got it today.

Heck even the world cup results weren’t going my way, England went out, Brazil went out, then out went Germany *heartbreak*..~ HAIGHZ. i’m now stuck with France. talk about loyalty. Even my mousepad won’t give me a break. I bought this mouse pad last saturday at mid valley cos the mouse i was using was giving scratches to my table. Thanks to some advice, i choose this one over another. Anyway when i started using it the damn thing had a stinking smell. i thought after a while the smell would go off, but lo n behold it’s still stinking till today…!!! ARGH!!!! hence my blog topic called stinking mouse. So you see how my life went this week, things really aren’t going my way,  wonder what would happen next week?

<<<<THIS IS MY STINKING MOUSEPAD!!!>>>>>>

p/s i took me like more than 10 times of disconnecting n reconnecting the usb cable to my phone. My computer couldn’t detect the phone!! SIGHZ….when will it end?

8.38am, Friday - Home, Sg Long.

It’s been a while since i’ve my last blog, since then, friendster has had a new layout, i’ve started a new semester(actually in the 6th week now), installed Streamyx here in Sg Long, and well the world cup is already at the quater-final stages. So you would have guessed that many things has happened in my life. That would be an understatement. Plenty of Many things has happened!!!!(grammer mistake is intentional) I’m not going to give u a full report of my life though. Just takes too much effort to remember and at 8.30 in the morning is not a good time to start giving work to my brain. Yes, so i’m writing this blog without much thought n use of brain…lolz~

Has any of you ever want to just live life and have fun? Somehow or rather, there’s just so many things in life that tries to just bring you down. I guess it’s all part n parcel of life. There has to be ups and downs. Heh, off course it’s easy to say but when you’re facing something you feel as if the whole world is on top of your shoulders. Thats why i always tell a friend of mine, thinking too much kills!!!~ haha, but i don’t think i can actually not think too much, my brain seems to have a mind of it’s own, it does and thinks what it want…sigh~

Anyways let me not bore you anymore with my brain, wish all those going to uni the customary good luck. It’s not always that one gets to start a new beginning. Going to uni will open up a whole new world to u(shesh see i’m talking as if i’m so old)….anyways think of it as this, this is the best chance to put whatever behind and start fresh. Mixing with new friends, learning new things and what more, no parents, hahah isn’t life great. lolz..wait till u c the assigments……

4.15pm, Friday - ICTC 4th floor, Utar, Sg Long

Well it’s been almost a week since i’ve been back to sg long. Nothing much really to do actually. Had the house all to my self. Everyone’s still holidaying away in their hometowns. i had time to clean the whole house…yes by my self. lolz, it was really har work. try cleaning a doble storey house alone from the porch to the balcony and you’ll know how i feel. Came back a week earlier to ‘kau tim’ some stuff and for orientation. Other than that did nothing but watch movies at home..hehe dad bought pirated DVD’s that day in low yat, and told me to take back to sg long. let’s see i watched inside man, munich and united 93. There’s one more but can’t remember ady. Sigh see brain also so dumb dy. That was yesterday. Let see, orientation was so - so le.~ nothing much to shout about. Haighz so with the new student intakes comes my new semester. Very chamz..holidays were so short. Met my audit lecturer and well i’ve seen the notes. it’s almost as thick as a text book. i guess this semester no more fooling around. Anyways can’t wait till the whole gang comes back. Lolz, then classes can start n we can start having some real fun. Lolz.

2.43am, Sunday, - Home, Ipoh

It’s so early in morning n i am supposed to meet lennon n wife later in the morning at like 8.30am. SIGH!! haven’t been able to sleep much for the past few nights, hehe due to my screwed up sleeping times…i think i’m on U.S time now…12 hours behind. My last night in ipoh, sem breaks over for me. Going back later to kl. How i miss ipoh, miss the people here. All my dota kaki n yum cha kaki hahah~ Most of my friends will leave in july for public uni, so i guess it’ll be hard to meet up then. Don’t worry we’ll have reunion in June…one of the weeks la..hopefully. Still havent pack my bags, though i think i’ll be doing it after this blog. Dont like packing bags la. Don’t know what to take. heheh anywayz i pack my things in record time of 15mins. So no worries. Anywayz it was nice being back in ipoh for a change.

Well, here’s my usual useless crap. People say that we will never forget what we were doing or where we were n who we were with when important things happens. For example when Sept 11 happened in the U.S. what was your first reaction n how did u find out? Were u one of the ones who was shocked n actually for the first time in your life tuned in to CNN n watched updates? Or were u the blur ones who found out like a few days later? My personal experiance. Remember the tsunami? Of course u remember, it was one of the hottest topic then. Anyways, the shockwave of that earthquake actually reached kl. I was in my aprtment then on the 8th floor. Was watching tv in the room when i suddenly felt dizzy. I looked at the room door n it was moving side to side…~ i looked at my housemate n asked if she felt anything wrong…i went out to the hall n saw the lights n fan moving on the cieling..n that was scary…soon from the balcony of my apartment i saw plenty of people rushing out from the condo. The fire alarms rang… n people were shouting in the hallways. After a while the whole front part of the condo was full of people. Many cars were also tyring to get out…till there was a traffic jam. lots of commotion~ soon the phonelines were jammed up… That was an eventful night…after that we actually went out n yum cha n even the mamak was tuned in to CNN..hahah. So now…where were u when this happened? Old stories huh, but kinda nice to think back.

Friday, 2.43am - Home, Ipoh

Time flies… was just looking at my last post and it was like more than a month ago. Heh, probably been real busy with my exams n stuff which by the way is over. Having a 3 week semester break now. Yes, my dear friends in ipoh, no i have not forgotten u just that u all seem so busy with work so i decided not to disturb u all hehehe. Don’t wanna drown u ppl in my daily life of eating and sleeping and dota-ing so here’s something for you to just wonder about…

Too many times in our life that we forget the feelings of the ones around us. By that i mean from the friends around us to our parents n siblings. Many a time we do things that hurt them although not intentionally. Somehow being blinded by the situation at hand, we are unable to see the bigger picture of how our decisions will ultimately affect those around us. How the words or the simple actions that we do, never intending to hurt the ones around us, always affect them. There’s always a bigger picture, an action will always lead to a reaction…

Just my thoughts, hehe ..btw Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most is a nice song. No i dun get paid for advertising his song..though being paid wont hurt much

Have a blessed day….

8.30pm, Sunday - Megastorm, Sg Long

The smile on her face,

Her cute face when she’s mad,

Kind and caring personality,

Her laugh brightens the room,

If you ask me why, I would not know

Must there be a reason?

I just fell in love.

Time passed,

Relationship grew,

Quarrels and shouts,

All part and parcel of friendship,

Never was this close to anyone before,

Never had this feeling before,

A strange warm feeling lingering in my heart,

She was the happiness of my soul,

The very heartbeat of my life,

Every time I look at her,

I fall in love all over again.

Time passed again,

Alas all was not to be,

The truth may not be what I want,

To know things I should not have known,

What I thought was not to be,

An illusion made up by my own immaturity,

It’s easier to look away now,

To look away not to avoid, but to hide the tears,

Every bit of tears which cuts deep into my heart and soul,

A heavy feeling in my chest as if my heart wants to tear itself out,

I cried but what can I do,

Is the world unfair? Or was this fair?

How can I lose someone that wasn’t mine?

How can I miss someone that wasn’t there in the first place?

How can something so beautiful turn to hurt?

Pain, disappointment, but what can I do,

I’m trapped by the deceptions and lies of my own heart,

No one was wrong nor was right,

If someone should be blamed,

I should be the one,

Not only did I hurt you but myself,

I ask not of sympathy but of understanding,

To know that I’m still the same person and friend,

The same person that fell for you,

When time pass again,

I hope I can still call you friend.

1.52am, Monday - Home, Ipoh

CNY came and went very quickly. It was as if i only started my second sem yesterday sigh. After this short hols no more relaxing already, tons of assigment coming and i have yet to even touch one of em. All procrastination huh~ Havent’ read my blog in like years…hrm..last post was in mid january..hahha. Oh well. After this i dun even think i have time to touch the blog eh…blame the mid terms n assigments.

Going back to KL later today, taking the 7.30am bus. My dad should be fecthing ge buthen he change plan balik lewat…so i have to take bus n my luggage take car…so unfair. haha.. Anyways would like to say to you guys, yes n the gals too, in ipoh thx for all the yum cha sessions lol… and the dota sessions. Guess thats all for now…

Valentine’s Day coming…well to those who are a couple…planning to celebrate? to the singles…planning to do nothing? heheh…i’ll write a V-day blog for the occasion…if i remember la..~ Goodnight…

4.31pm, Friday - 4th floor ICT, UTAR Sg Long

ITs already 2006 and i’m like supposed to be 20 this year. sigh. 20 years of my life gone just like that. 20 year of interacting with people and well i guess i still suck at that. The past few months have really made me realise sometimes how introvert i am. I do sometimes tend so just clam up or shut up when being with people i’m not so close with or in a situation that i’m not familiar. I guess working has more or less helped me a bit but i still think that i am still not able to care for the friendships that i have that well.

There is so many other things that i feel that i have to change especially some attitudes that i have. okla i’m not like gonna list out all my err… negativeness about me in public la…but really some things really have to change la. Even some of my friends also talked to me already. Maybe it’s a good time to make new year resolution..hehe a bit late huh..

Oh well anyway just to update you people on my life, yes i’m still alive here in deadtown Sg Long. Will be trying to post some pictures of my uni either in my blog or somewhere la….will keep u updated on that. As said classes till 8 are …#$#&%^!#*&!#%^ .. CNY coming, i’ll be back in ipoh i think on the tuesday or wednesday of the CNY week, so "on" ar…yum cha and lepak o..hehe c can do reunion again or not…but do cheaper place o..no $$$. byez for now…going to do new years resolution ….